Yes please, thank you

Do you find it hard to be on the receiving end of help?

From an early age I was taught ‘it’s more blessed to give than to receive.’ I like being a giver. I like the warm fuzzy feelings I get when I help someone in need. I feel good about myself.

But I’m learning that I am so ingrained with being a giver that I have a hard time receiving.

I found myself in the role of receiver when my husband Keith fell in the yard the Wednesday before Easter and broke his femur near his hip. I was at choir practice, and thankfully our neighbor Kevin saw him lying there and came to his aid. After surgery and five days in the hospital Keith spent two weeks in an inpatient rehab center.

It was a difficult few weeks. Our son Adam was a lifesaver during Keith’s hospital stay by spending the night with his dad so that I could get some sleep. And although his broken leg was not life threatening, having surgery at 72 is always scary. Meanwhile, I caught Covid from being worn out and around the germs in the hospital, so Keith was on his own for his first week at rehab. Once I was no longer contagious, I was back and forth to Rome to check on him.

Thankfully he is home now and doing well, making progress on his outpatient rehab. But I am still processing the experience and thinking about how God showed up each step of the way.  I felt the prayers of so many who I knew were thinking of us.

 But in addition to the prayers, I had wonderful friends and family who checked on us daily through texts and calls. Friends showed up to sit with me while Keith was in surgery, sent cards, snacks, and chicken soup and brought me food. I even got a warm cuddly blanket in the mail that was sent as a long-distance hug. 

All that receiving was not easy.  Although I appreciated every gesture, each time someone did something nice for me I felt somehow embarrassed. I was used to being the giver, not the receiver.

Receiving is admitting that I can’t do it all by myself, that I don’t have it all under control. Receiving makes me humble and not worthy of the time and attention of those who want to show their concern to me. Receiving hurt my pride.

“It’s more blessed to give than to receive” is a statement that Paul attributes to Jesus in Acts 20:35, when he is exhorting the fledgling Christians to help the weak among them. But interestingly, there is no record of Jesus saying this verse in any of the Gospels. This doesn’t mean that he didn’t say it, and it certainly sounds like something that would come from him, but Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John did not write it down.

However, in Matthew 7 Jesus tells a story about accepting gifts from God. He compares the way we want to give good things to our own children with how God wants to shower gifts on us. If our children ask for bread, we don’t give them a stone, Jesus says, or if they ask for a fish, we don’t give them a snake. God wants to do the same for us. God wants to give us gifts and we need to learn to accept them.

At the conclusion of this passage, Jesus gives us the Golden Rule: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

When I offer someone a gift, I want them to accept it. If they say no thanks, I usually feel a little miffed. After all, I’m trying to be helpful!

Is this how God feels when we reject the gifts God wants to give us?

I’ve realized that I need to be more open to receiving, not just from those around me, but from God. This fresh perspective has caused me to see the bounty in my life more clearly. I’m appreciating the beauty of the flowers in my garden, the peaceful way my new weeping cherry tree flows in the breeze, the industry of the butterflies as they light on my lantana. I’m thankful for time with Keith, laughter, and a comfortable bed at night.

I’m learning to simply say “Yes please, thank you.”