Skip Day

This past Sunday I did something drastic – I skipped church.

I wasn’t sick or out of town. I just stayed home. It was so unusual that my neighbor Zeta texted me to make sure everything was okay.

Now I love my church, and I don’t like to miss.  But I had been gone all week and was tired. And in full disclosure, I wanted to watch the Wimbledon Men’s Tennis Final with Keith. So I stayed home.

I did feel a little guilty. My deacon team was taking up the offering, and I asked my friend Donna to fill in for me.

 Shirking your duty, whispered that little voice in my head.

 Inconveniencing Donna, the voice sniped.

Falling into bad habits, it accused.

For much of my life, that little voice has ruled me. It has pushed me to always worry about what others are thinking of me and to feel bad about myself if I didn’t measure up to some unspecified rubric. I could never meet all of its expectations.

But enough is enough. I made the choice to push the voice down and ignore it.

I’m learning to listen to my body and my soul and to allow myself time to nurture both. I needed a break from being social. Spending a day with my husband was important.

I saw this quote from Duke University professor and author Kate Bowler:

Does this speak to anyone else?

Jesus modeled the necessity of resting. In Matthew 6 we read that the disciples had been out ministering and came back to share with Jesus all that they had been doing. Because so many people were around that they could not even eat, Jesus says:

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. (Mark 6:31b-32, NIV)

I imagine the disciples finally relaxing in Jesus’ presence, cooking some fish over a fire, and letting their hair down. This is the holy rest that Kate Bowler references, and if Jesus and the disciples needed it, so do I.

I’m working on finding balance, and on compromising with that little voice in my head. Sometimes I need to pay attention to it and follow what it says. After all, I don’t want to become a total slacker. But other times I need to put myself first and take a break.

So bring the orange slices if you feel led. Just remember that the world will survive if you choose holy rest.